Blame
by Brookebynature
Summary: And if she doesn’t have the right ingredients to make cookies for their daughter’s bake sale, it’s his fault, because he got her pregnant, and at 22, she’s too young to be baking cookies and loading washing machines and driving a goddamn Volvo. Brucas fun


**Author- **Emily-Grace Mendes (Brookebynature)

**Disclaimer- **I don't own One Tree Hill or any of the characters other than Alexa, Brandon and Coco :)

**A/N- **Here's another BL one shot to add to my collection! I can't stop writing lately lol, but I guess it's all good seeing as it's now Easter Break and I have some extra time on my hands. I had a request for more BL one shots so I hope this satisfies seeing as it's my first attempt at anything remotely funny. Please review at the end (even if it's a polite way of telling me NEVER to write humour again lol) Enjoy! xxx

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**Blame**

"It's your fault Lucas."

It's always his fault. If the washing machine has flooded the kitchen floor yet again, it's his fault because they shouldn't have trusted that dodgy-looking sales guy. If the car breaks down at the grocery store, it's his fault, because he should have let her keep her ever-reliable Beetle. And if she doesn't have the right ingredients to make cookies for their daughter's bake sale, it's his fault, because he got her pregnant, and at 22, she's too young to be baking cookies and loading washing machines and driving a goddamn Volvo.

"It's your stupid dog Brooke, not mine."

"If you were stupid enough to leave your shirt on the bed, then it's your fault. Don't blame Coco."

Lucas scoffs and throws the remnants of what was once his best shirt into the trashcan before searching his closet for that pale blue shirt Brooke had bought him the other week.

"Daddy, it's not Coco's fault."

Lucas rolls his eyes as his daughter, aptly named Alexa Tallulah Scott, defends her Mother's yappy Maltese.

"You would say that Lexie, she hasn't just destroyed your best shirt."

Alexa is Brooke's fault. Lucas loves her more than anyone, but at times, she's a living reminder of why not to drink, and why contraception was invented.

She's Brooke's fault, because she got him drunk during their graduation and let him sleep with her. She's Brooke's fault, because four years ago, she made that cute dimpled smile, eyebrow kinked face that made Lucas powerless before her, forgetting everything he'd told himself not to act on. And it's Brooke's fault that Lucas couldn't name her Elizabeth or Emily or Allison because she made a deal, that if their baby was a girl, she would name her, and if it was a boy, Lucas would have the honour. Only Brooke Davis would bribe him for baby names. And only Lucas Scott would accept the terms of that deal.

"But Mommy told you not to leave your shirt there." Alexa tells him, her green eyes wide as she pats the dog in question softly on her head.

"You know Lexie, sometimes you could stick up for Daddy a little more." Lucas tells her, dropping a soft kiss on his daughter's head before exiting the house, black briefcase in tow.

----

"It's Lucas' fault, he always makes things so difficult." Brooke rants to Haley over the phone. The tired recipient is shaking her head at the other end of the line, because she seems to have the same conversation every week.

It's Lucas' fault that they had no heating the other week because he forgot to pay the electricity bill, and their supply was cut until Monday morning when he could mail the cheque. It's Lucas' fault that her and Haley have to talk over the phone because he_ had _to choose the job in Connecticut rather than the one nearby in Charlotte. And it's Lucas' fault that it's raining today, because she figures that somewhere along the way, he's done something to piss Mother Nature off.

"Can't you guys just stop arguing for once." Haley laughs, knowing that would never happen. Brooke and Lucas' relationship has been tempestuous since they first met each other, and it's clearly not about to change any time soon.

"You're just jealous because we're not boring like you and Nathan." Brooke bites back, rolling her eyes at the mere thought of the boring routine her best friend has back in their home town. She knows that right now, Haley will be making dinner already, so that she has chance to clean the house before Nathan returns home from work. Brooke doesn't make dinner until Lucas is home from work, because she likes to complain while she's doing it. And she doesn't clean while he's away, because she hates cleaning, and figures she could have more fun shopping while Alexa is at school.

"Whatever." Haley replies. "Are you coming over at the weekend or not?"

The weekend, Saturday in fact, is Haley and Nathan's son's fifth birthday. There's going to be a party, Brooke's been told, and drinks for the adults. She's going, there's no doubt about that, but she just likes to weigh up her options first, in between complaining about her marriage and pointing out that she should really work out.

But Haley's not stupid, she knows Brooke works out, and she knows that the vain brunette knows she looks good. She's not annoyed or at all surprised because that's just Brooke.

"Tell me you haven't invited Peyton." Brooke demands, knowing all the while that Haley won't have invited her because they don't speak now, not since graduation.

"I haven't invited Peyton."

"Then I'll be there." She replies ever-so-sweetly, like the girl she can't ever like again hasn't been mentioned.

"Lucas too?"

"Urgh." Brooke snorts. "Fine, him too."

----

"It's Brooke's fault, she drives me absolutely crazy." Lucas rants to Nathan during one of their much-needed telephone conversations.

"Dude, you say the same thing every time we talk." Nathan chuckles, knowing that things must be bad, because even Lucas, who has more patience with Brooke than Nathan thought possible, is starting to get annoyed.

It's her fault that he's thinking about hair dye for men, because he's sure she's making him go grey early. It's her fault that he's running up huge phone bills in order to have a normal conversation with Nathan, because she won't let that damn dog take the blame for anything. And it's her fault that he has to let their four year old daughter wear a skimpy cheerleading uniform, because Brooke's allowed her to watch 'Bring It On', filling her head with dreams of following in her footsteps.

"Look man, I have to go." Nathan laughs into the phone, leaving his brother to return home to what he and Haley have dubbed 'The Asylum.'

"C'mon Nate, this is the only meaningful conversation I get."

"Just talk to me this weekend at Brandon's party." Nathan tells him. "And make sure you haven't killed Brooke by then."

Lucas simply rolls his eyes, a trait that he's unknowingly picked up from his wife. "Don't hold your breath."

----

"Brooke, how the hell can you possibly blame me for you not knowing how to make a Spanish omelette?" Lucas asks exasperatedly, his jacket still on as she meets him at the front door with no kiss and a tired expression.

"Because if you'd have been home from work on time, I could have asked you how to do it."

"You can't seriously pass the blame onto me."

"Damn right I can." She tells him, shutting her eyes as the fire alarm starts to beep mercilessly.

She blames him for the fact that her kitchen still smells like burnt eggs, three days after she attempted to make them, because he argued with her, and if he would have just accepted the fact that he was wrong, she wouldn't have gone through an entire bottle of Febreze. She blames him for making her run out of mascara, because if he hadn't made her cry in frustration, she wouldn't have to keep re-applying it. And she blames him for the fact that Alexa will no longer eat anything with eggs in it, because if he hadn't let her burn that omelette three days ago, she wouldn't have witnessed the disgusting brown mess stuck to the saucepan.

Brooke and Lucas married after she gave birth to Alexa. They argued the day before the wedding because Lucas accidentally saw Brooke trying on her dress, and she was adamant that it was bad luck for the rest of their married life.

They argued on their wedding day because Lucas told Brooke to leave Alexa with Karen while they honeymooned in Barbados, and she didn't want to leave her baby girl.

And they argued on their honeymoon because Brooke wanted to stay in and make use of the bed, while Lucas wanted to explore the island. She said it was because he didn't find her hot any more. He just said it was because they could do _that _plenty back home.

Not one day has gone by in their married life that Brooke and Lucas haven't argued. But she still loves him like crazy. And he wouldn't trade her for anyone.

----

"Lucas, you're the one driving, it's not my fault that you passed the exit!" Brooke tells him plainly, inspecting her manicured fingernails as her husband tries his best to stay calm while Alexa giggles and Coco barks and Brooke smirks to herself.

They're on their way to Nathan and Haley's. Road trips always spell arguments.

So far this has been the road trip from hell.

He blames her that he missed the turn-off, because he was busy listening to the music playing on the stereo so that he didn't have to have her complaining about something. He blames her that he's stressed, because that dog annoys him, and, as Brooke lets Alexa do whatever she wants, the little girl was adamant that they weren't leaving for Tree Hill without Coco in tow. And he blames her for the fact that their car has just run out of gas, because she forgot to fill it up yesterday.

They arrive at Nathan and Haley's only three hours late, meaning that Alexa has missed out on most of the party games and the cutting of the birthday cake. She's not too late though, for a kiss from her cousin, and a piggy back ride from Nathan, who gives her the same treatment every time she visits.

Lucas is grateful for a beer, and Brooke is grateful for change of clothes. She still can't bare to sit in an outfit that she's travelled in.

Haley blames Brooke for bringing Coco with her-she never really liked dogs. Nathan blames Lucas for Brooke's behaviour-he was always too passive when it came to her.

Alexa blames her parents for missing out on pass-the-parcel. Brandon blames his parents for not letting him have a pet like his cousin does.

----

"I blame Brooke for trapping me." Lucas tells Nathan. "I can't hate her and I can't not love her and I can't stop giving her what she wants because every time, she does this thing to me and I'm powerless."

"You mean you guys have sex." Nathan reasons.

"Well…yeah."

Brooke and Lucas have been here for almost two hours now, and Brooke is still complaining. Haley thinks she must have fallen asleep for a little while, because the last thing she remembers is Brooke saying something about eggs, and now she's talking about Alexa.

"I blame Lucas for getting me pregnant because that damn Scott sperm seems to be unstoppable."

"Or maybe you guys should have used a condom." Haley mutters. "Or just not have had sex at all."

"Maybe I should just blame Dan." Brooke mumbles, fiddling with her wedding band.

Lucas is on his third beer, and Nathan is now ready to leave the room. Either that, or phone Oprah because he's sure that his bother and sister-in-law have serious issues.

"The timing was wrong."

Brooke's getting tired. Haley can tell because her eyes are starting to drop, and her voice isn't nearly as loud as it had been before. Her breathing is louder now, and she's talking less, and not even the beginning of Desperate Housewives (a show that Brooke has always said she can identify with) has aroused her.

"The place was all wrong." She mumbles. "We were in Lucas' car."

Nathan has heard this story before, too many times, yet here he is, listening to the same thing again and again as Lucas recounts the night he and Brooke determined the rest of their lives.

"The situation was all wrong you know. I was with Peyton, and yet, Brooke showed up at my door. She was wearing red. You know how good she looks in red."

"Actually, I only really look at Haley so…"

"And she just gave me that smile." Lucas cuts in. "I didn't know what else to do but kiss her."

"You think we should…"

"I wouldn't have slept with her." He continues, ignoring Nathan's attempts to deter the conversation. "But we danced together and then she had this bottle of vodka. It was her idea you know, not mine."

Nathan's rolling his eyes but Lucas hasn't noticed. He's getting up from the couch in Nathan's den now, still talking as the men make their way into the living room.

"But she was beautiful and sexy and I'd do it all again."

He scoops Brooke up from the couch, (she's asleep now) and sitting down where she was previously laying, Lucas places her back down on his lap, her legs curled around him as she opens a devious brown eye.

"I was sitting there you know."

They argue. Every day. He blames her. She blames him.

But they wouldn't change a thing.

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Please review xxx 


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